Don’t Get Hurt-The Tale of The Casual Relationship

www.shutterstock.com

 To most people it either means, you are exclusive and you are just not officially dating, while to others it means that you are allowed to date multiple people at once. Then, there are some people that will call a relationship in which people date multiple people at once an “open relationship” to help settle this debate I thought it would be useful to include regain us’s(https://www.regain.us/advice/dating/what-is-casual-dating-when-it-turns-serious/) definition of  “casual relationship”; ”When a couple is casually dating, this may mean that they are not exclusive. Casual is just that: not buttoned up, not committed, just enjoying a simple relationship. Sometimes, both people are still dating around.”

To get a clearer idea of what a casual relationship is, I decided to ask several people on the record what their definition of a casual relationship was. Norwalk High Graduate Gabby Dimasi said that “Everyone has a different definition of a casual relationship and that it’s all about communication with the other person.” Then I asked Josue Emanuel Palma Morales(‘23),  who was so unsure of how to describe it that  when I asked him via snapchat that he googled what a casual relationship was, copy and pasted the first thing that came up on google and sent it to me. Then, according to St. Joseph Sophomore Sofia Pace (‘24), a casual relationship is “a relationship where both people feel comfortable to be themselves without the other person demanding them to do something. And you can talk to other people but a casual relationship is exclusive.” Then I asked Norwalk High graduate and DePaul Freshman Max Kenner who described a casual relationship as “a relationship without commitments and without implicit exclusivity”. Then I interviewed Boston College freshman Emilio Montero who had a lot more to say “ a casual relationship is just a fling if anything. Even if the couple in the casual relationship does things that someone might do while actually dating, they are still lying to themselves about being in love or anything of the sort because it is not meant to last. So until it becomes solid and has taken time to evolve into a caring and trustworthy relationship, it can be seen as just a desperate want for attention. In the end, a casual relationship is made up of two people scared of commitment and most importantly love.” So, some may enjoy casual relationships and some may not, but it is between two people who want nothing serious. 

I am writing this article because two months ago, I was getting to know a girl and I was starting to really like her and she was starting to like me. The first time I hung out with her outside of work which was where we met, I asked what we were and she said that she wanted a casual relationship. I thought this meant that we were exclusive but we were not officially calling it a relationship, but I never asked her to specify. So, I had spent a period of time believing that we were exclusive which was what I wanted. Until we had a conversation about it and she told me what she meant by casual relationship and I told her what I thought she meant. Her definition of a casual relationship was something foriegn to me because I am new to romantic relationships. While on the other hand, she had just gotten out of a long relationship and wanted to see multiple people. However, I just did not understand because the idea was so new to me and it made me upset, actually angry. This led to me getting very hurt and I simply failed to see where she was coming from. So that relationship ended with me upset and insulting her despite the fact she did not deserve it. All because the definition of a casual relationship was clouded, I ended up hurt and I ended up hurting her by saying things I regret saying in the heat of the moment. So, if you take anything away from this article, it should be that if someone says they want a casual relationship with you, ask them what the hell they mean by that.